Girl, lay down on a couch!

MY NAME IS ASHLEY SANDERS…AND I HAVE SOMETHING TODAY!
Y’all gonna need to make you a drink, because this T is too hot NOT to spill.

So let me start off with a quote from Beyoncé “You know I’m not gonna diss you on the internet…cuz my mama taught me better than that”
She may have, but this shit isn’t going to die until I SPEAK ON IT!

A little background on me before you go thinking I’m some “holier than thou” fool:

I could have easily failed out of high school, but I literally tried just enough (I was on the C’s get degrees path early)
I forgot that half of college was attendance, so needless to say I didn’t finish
I managed to get myself a DUI before Tiger made them acceptable
I am easily one of the messiest people alive
I have ignored phone calls from people who I worked for to watch “OITNB” (SEASON 5!)
I have lied to nuns, I went to confession to get a reaction once (not even Catholic)
Have I tarnished my reputation enough for this post? Yeah? Good!

So anyway, I have an aunt that I’m 100% sure is clinically insane (None of the ones I mentioned by name). She is easily one of the worst people I’ve ever trusted in my life. We have a big family, so something dramatic happens every year. Usually, it’s me, my uncle or one of my cousins who continually lowering the standards of the Jones family… BUT THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.

You know what she’s been doing? TELLING PEOPLE MY GRANDFATHER (Who is sicker than Edna) IS DEAD…

 

Now, you could say, “Ashley maybe she’s doing it because he’s so sick”…
NOPE. SORRY. NEXT
“Ashley, he wasn’t around a lot…so maybe he’s dead”
Plausible, but STILL NOPE.
“Ashley…”
LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.
I have met that man 3-4 times in my life, 2.5 since one time he thought I was my mom. I don’t tell people he’s dead though. Here’s the kicker…..

SHE HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS! THIS WOMAN IS A CHRISTIAN. 
Here’s what I’m gonna do take one of your old sayings I’m about, to tell the truth, and SHAME THE DEVIL. 

It’s one thing to say “I don’t know” When asked about your father…stop trying to put this man in the ground you sad little person. If I had any compassion for you, it just went out the window. You aren’t coping, your insane. YOU.NEED.HELP. Mind you, this didn’t have to be done this way, but since you don’t wanna answer your phone. I’m putting it out FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. I won’t release your name because I don’t want people to think we share the same gene pool. I can admit to every wrong thing I did (except that one time I got accused of saying the N word in 6th grade. Mrs. Harmes if your reading this, I got the ass whooping of a lifetime because two people lied on me and I hope it haunts you at night). I can honestly say I am the definition of self-sabotage, BUT I WILL NEVER BE YOU. YOU HAVE LEAD A SECRET LIFE OF EVIL. MY SHIT IS ALL OUT IN THE OPEN FOR EVERYONE TO MOCK. Am I proud? NO DUMMY! That’s why every day I make the CONSCIOUS decision to be a good person, minus a few indiscretions. I’m not perfect, nor am I trying to be but I’m also not gonna do horrible things anymore. Why? BECAUSE I GREW UP AND REALIZED I’M HURTING THE PEOPLE THAT LOVED ME.  If you don’t feel that we love you, GROW UP! That teenage angst ain’t cute when you are applying for AARP. CUT THE SHIT AND CALL ME, MY MOM, MY SISTER AND MY FATHER AND APOLOGIZE. I will tell you my mom won’t pick up, but I will. I want to hear your humility and I WANT YOU TO EAT ALL THAT SHIT YOU TALKED ABOUT ME, ERIC AND QUAN. I WANT YOU TO FEEL THE WAY WE FELT WHEN WE MESSED UP. TALK ABOUT US ALL YOU WANT BUT WE HAVE APOLOGIZED AND THEN SOME.

You know what, I’m gonna get ready for work. I’m sure your mother is gonna need me to go to the store and buy something, I’d bill her in the will…BUT wait…you fucked that up. Didn’t you?

**************If yall don’t hear from me, my mother whooped my ass for putting my family business out. I’ll take the hits on this one************************************